I have a friend who writes for our local paper. She is featuring a story of what people are thankful for. So she shot me an email early this morning and asked me to rattle off something I am thankful for.
I would say I’m thankful for relationships. Here is why. A 2006 sociological study out of Duke University reported on an unspoken crisis of friendship in America today. Americans are suffering from friendship deprivation. Check out the following realities:
From 1985 to 2004, “the number of people saying there is no one with whom they discuss important matters nearly tripled.” Now, 24.6 percent report they have no confidants, family or non-family — that’s one in four Americans. Another 19.6 percent say they have just one confidant. That means 43 percent of Americans have either no confidants or just one, a slice that has doubled since 1985.
More than half, 53.4 percent, do not have any confidants who aren’t family. In 1985, 80 percent had at least one confidant who was not family; now only 57.2 percent do.
The average size of Americans’ social networks decreased by a third between 1985 and 2004, from 2.94 to 2.08; basically this means the loss of one confidant.
The bottom line, according to Dick Meyer, “The number of people who have someone to talk to about matters that are important to them has declined dramatically… we have gone from a quarter of the American population being isolated … to almost half of the populations falling into that category.”**
I am a part of a spiritual community (A.K.A. Church). I am thankful for the older and younger people at Engage Church who live open and intentional to foster meaningful relationships. As the study cites half of Americans don’t have anyone either in or outside of their family whom they feel like they can be completely real with. That’s crazy. No wonder we are so medicated as a culture. I’ve read other studies that link the mental stability, emotional health of a culture to the accessibility of quality relationships within a community. Malcom Gladwell just came out with a new book called Outliers. Read this book. The opening chapter of the book details the story of a little Italian community whose mental, emotional, and physical health were off the charts better than the health levels of the surrounding communities. Why? Because they enjoyed close relationships with a diverse range of people in their community.
I am thankful this holiday season that I have the privileged of living authentically. We live in an increasingly shallow culture where people look to the vainest aspects of life to measure meaning, worth, and acceptance. Where I live, the car I drive, the places I shop tend to determine how we feel about ourselves and those around us. This is not sustainable on our humanity. It is increasingly harder to be accepted for who you are without fear of judgment or rejection. What would it feel like to live in a world where one of our greatest fears was not fear of rejection? I know I am biased but I think we have stumbled onto authenticity and meaningful friendship at Engage Community Church–for that, I’m thankful. Our hope is that we can share this with everyone.
Jon Hand
www.engagecommunitychurch.com
**Click the link to follow the source of the study.
